"How much of human life is lost in waiting." – Ralph Waldo EmersonSigh. I’m bored. Why don’t you come join me? I’m waiting. Seems like when you’re living the laid-off life, you do a lot of waiting. Waiting for the worms. Waiting for Godot. Waiting for Guffman. Waiting for the world to change. Waiting for the sun.
Waiting.
I had (yet another) interview yesterday. With a big company. As far as I can tell, I’m getting pretty good at this interview thing, which is like being good at surviving a plane crash 
or winning divorce settlements: good skills to have, but ones you wish you didn’t have to utilize in the first place. I know how to do all the right things like arrive at the right time or dress professionally or ask the right questions at the end. I know how to be engaging and sound knowledgeable and explain that my last job gave me the skills to be perfect at this one. But as anyone looking for employment in 2010 knows, that’s not enough. There’s luck and good timing and quantitative method and did I mention luck? And there’s waiting. The interview lasted a good (in both the descriptive and pejorative senses) two hours. I did the proper following-up via email, and made sure the interviewer (thankfully the department head and not an HR person) was fully aware of my great interest in the position. And now?Waiting.
Rarely in life is waiting a good thing. What do people wait for? The principal while sitting outside his office. Lab results. Lines to move. Traffic lights to change.
Orders to march on insurgents in Fallujah. For the operator on hold. Mandatory gun purchase periods. The oven to preheat. Pregnancy test results. Aliens from Uranus to attack. And to hear about whether or not you got the job. What makes waiting worse is when there’s nothing you can do to speed up the process or even monitor the process. There’s no 'your wait time from this point is 45 minutes' or 'there are 28 callers ahead of you'. There’s just wait.A wise person once said that waiting is patience, but passive patience is laziness. So, I’m actively waiting. And if you are in the same situation, I suggest you try to do the same thing. They pay me to write this column and talk about the exciting things in my life like waiting, but it is also therapeutic. There’s a reason people blog or write in journals or Facebook update. It feels good to get your thoughts down on paper or screen or email. And I suppose that’s why people write memoirs and autobiographical movies and songs about heartbreak. Because it’s restorative release. I can also imagine that lack of release attributes to violent behavior like road rage and going ConAgra, as we used to say in the Midwest. And no one wants that (although they do provide you with steady work in prison). So, my minions, you are my collective therapists, my anonymous support group.
So I say to you: do the same thing. When you’re waiting, do something constructive. Can I suggest writing about it? A Google search for "unemployment blogs" returns six million results (in 0.15 seconds: how amazing is Google? Why can’t I work there?). That’s a lot of people in the Internet ether talking, discussing, blogging, releasing about being out-of-work. They’re so easy to create, it’s ridiculous. Sites like Blogger and WordPress are turnkey and simple. I can’t guarantee people will actually read what you write; I once had a radio DJ gig where I offered my car to anyone who’d just call in, but clearly no one was listening. But I don’t see the audience as the point as much as the broadcast itself. The point is to get down in writing how you’re feeling. Trust me, it will make you feel better.
And during the waiting period, keep doing the research you (hopefully) started before your interview. It will not hurt, and when (not if; keep up the positive vibes) you’re called back in for a second interview, or even just contacted by the hiring manager, you’ll be well, and even more, prepared. Research things that came up in the interview, about the company, the position, and the interviewer. Go over the interview in your head and see if there’s anything relevant you hadn’t discussed or answered that needs following-up on. It is never detrimental to be over-prepared, but it can be deadly to be under-prepared. And, in general, if you don’t get the job, you will have future interviews, so give yourself a postmortem on your performance. What did you do well in the interview? What can you improve on? What preparation do you need to do differently next time? Do you need to buy a new tie?While you were interviewing, you undoubtedly learned more about the company, and about the people that work there. Possibly even met a few. Find them on LinkedIn. See if you share groups. Look them up on Google. Use your social-networking savvy to get opinions on the company and its employees. Find some dirt on the hiring manager and blackmail them. (No, really don’t do that.) If you can locate someone at the company, possibly in the department in which you are interviewing, email them. Ask them lingering questions you have about the company and its culture. Maybe finagle a phone number that circumvents the auto-attendant/voice-mail nightmare. Strike up an acquaintanceship. If you’re lucky (or persistent), they can even put in a good word for you. Or let you know about other opportunities in the company. Or even steer you away from the company if they have had bad experiences. And see if anyone there shares your alma mater; that’s always a good 'in'. At Syracuse, we called it 'The Newhouse Mafia'.
Of course, while you’re waiting to hear back, your life, your laid-off life, goes on. Don’t stop looking for more work. Interviews, for some reason, come in bunches. When you get one, there’s usually another or more in the offing. So stay the course, keep doing what you feel you’re accomplishing well and change those that need improvement. And while you’re waiting to hear back about that awesome interview you had, stay active. Follow up at appropriate intervals, don’t let them forget you, and make sure they know you haven’t forgotten about them. Hiring managers want to know you’re serious about wanting the job. Long haired freaky people need not apply. But the waiting is inevitable. Be patient, don’t panic, give it time, and stay productive. Or at least occupied. Remember your post-first-date behavior. And keep researching and applying for more jobs while you wait. Because one day, the waiting will stop.So, friends, thank you for allowing me this outlet to tell you about the trials and troubles of my search for full-time employment. It keeps me sane(r) and focused. Not everyone gets a gig that pays you to keep a diary, but if you have the means, I highly suggest picking one up. But my biggest wish for myself is to no longer have this column. Maybe they’ll pay me to write 'The Newly-Employed Life' (hint hint, editors).
In the meantime, I wait. Let’s hope that you people and getting this job aren’t the only things keeping me from going all ConAgra on you.
Michael Hochman
LaidOffLife@yahoo.com ◙ Laid-Off Life on Twitter ◙ Laid-Off Life on Facebook
Michael is a Copywriter, Creative Marketer, and Broadcasting Professional still in search of full-time employment after 12 months of full-time job hunting, thanks to an "involuntary career sabbatical". A Philly native and Syracuse graduate, Michael will gladly accept any job offer you may have for him. Any. Really. Please give me a job??"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar." - Drew Carey
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