The Laid-Off Life: The World’s Shortest Commute

“One of the saddest things is that the only thing that a man can do for eight hours a day, day after day, is work. You can't eat eight hours a day nor drink for eight hours a day nor make love for eight hours. Which is the reason why man makes himself and everybody else so miserable and unhappy.” – William Faulkner

The following takes place between 8:00AM and 6:00PM. Events occur in real time.

As a full-time job seeker, I have a full-time job. The one that gets me a full-time job. One that pays, that is. So, I work from home. My job – finding a job – is a home-based business. I have a home office. Just like the real ones: it has a desk, a computer, a nice collection of pens, and really bad coffee.

I also have an assistant. She’s a cat. Her name is Quinn. She’s not very good at answering phones or taking dictation, but she’s pretty to look at. Kind of like Loni Anderson on WKRP in Cincinnati (though I was always partial to Bailey Quarters).


Any job search website will tell you that you have to approach your job search like a real job. Get out of bed at an unreasonable hour for someone that has nowhere to go, shower, brush your teeth, floss if you’re one of those people. Get dressed and have a seat at your desk as if you’ve arrived at your real paying job. Eliminate the distractions – no TV, no radio, no World of Warcraft – and sit there for eight hours and find a job. You are supposed to be professional, take a planned lunch hour, don’t take personal calls and answer the phone for business calls with a “Good afternoon, this is Michael” (not suggested if your name is not Michael and/or it is not the afternoon).

To me, that all sounds kinda depressing. The Laid-Off Life, being out-of-work, can be depressing enough as it is; I don’t need help making it more so. If you are so inclined and you have the ability to do so, relax just a bit. It’s been a long time since I didn’t have to smash an alarm on a Monday morning and battle for position on the Schuylkill. If you want to get up when the sun wakes you, fine. If you want to catch a West Wing rerun on Bravo before you get motivated, fine. If you want to peruse Craigslist jobs in your pajamas, fine. Cigarette break or Facebook break? You’re the boss. And I always work with music. Music has an uncanny way of keeping you going. Though improving, the job market sucks out there, and I say make the best out of it. If you’d rather get your grocery shopping out of the way or hang out in the park on a nice day, so be it. It’s up to you. And if you have kids, don’t dismiss the excellent opportunity to spend some time with them you wouldn’t normally be able to.

The rate at which and how you best work is up to your individual constitution. If you believe job hunting 8-5 in your polo and slacks is better for you to achieve your goals, by all means, do so. If you feel as if working at a more relaxed pace will achieve the same goals, I encourage you. Just make sure you know yourself and how you work. If you need more structure, remove yourself from situations where you will be easily distracted. Personally, I find I do my best work (including writing what you’re reading right now) in a neutral location. I’m walking distance from a Starbucks, so I love the freedom of packing up my computer and vaguely-exercising my way down to the coffee hole and doing my research there. They offer two hours of free wifi access. Saxby’s is unlimited. Dunkin Donuts has free wifi as well, but I get the feeling they’re not as in to you hanging around their establishment as other places. Have cell-plan based wifi or Clear? Don’t dismiss working in the park with your laptop literally on the top of your lap. Find what works best for you. For me, this is what works. Something else may work for you. You can even join an unemployed worker support group. The possibilities are limitless.

Maybe you work best in a structured office environment in your home. Maybe you work better a little more loosely. It depends on how you were built. Working like I do may be better for me because I’m a creative type – writer, marketer. If you’re in sales or tech or healthcare, it may be different for you. But when you do get your next great, awesome, perfect job, you may be glad you had some ‘you’ time. Because that six months or year until you’re eligible for vacation will seem very far away.

As always, I’m no authority, and the real experts at PhillyJobs.com may disagree. But I’m just like you. Just a guy with theories (I have some great ones about Smoke Monsters and mysterious islands if you care to listen). And what do I know? I’m still job hunting, so my modus operandi may be sabotaging my job-getting. But for now, I believe in it. I’ve been close to jobs, picked up freelance and part-time work, and had my share of interviews, so I can’t be doing everything wrong. Right?

But for now I must go put out some fires. I had Quinn the Assistant Cat mail out a pile of my résumés and she totally forgot to put the right postage on them. Good help is so hard to find these days. Luckily, she will work for food.


Michael Hochman ◙ LaidOffLife@yahoo.com ◙ twitter.com/PhillyPartTwo

Michael is a Copywriter, Creative Marketer, and Broadcasting Professional still in search of full-time employment after 10 months of full-time job hunting, thanks to an “involuntary career sabbatical”. A Philly native and Syracuse graduate, Michael will gladly accept any job offer you may have for him. Any. Really. Please give me a job??